I'll Never Forget
by lovelance
Summary: Yuki and Kyo were involved before his four month trip to the mountains. Now he has been back for a year and tradgedy will either bring them back together or separate them forever.
1. P: Why?

Disclaimer: Don't own.

A/N: This is based on the anime, not the manga. So mainly, Akito is a guy. That's all. ONWARD!!!

Prologue

Why?

Why couldn't we still be friends? I knew the answer to that. We couldn't be friends because everyone was against it. Akito in particular. And that was the one we really cared about. He could make our lives absolutely miserable, so friendship was never really an option. We tried. We would meet in secret to play and talk when we were little. Then one of the children fell against me and I transformed. Hatori erased their memories and Akito forced me to live with him. It was very difficult to see Kyo at that time. The whole time Akito told me, every day, how gross the cat was and how freakish I was. He told me that I was supposed to hate the cat. That was my fate, to fight Kyo. By the time I was allowed out again, I was beginning to believe him.

Apparently, Kyo had started to believe him also. We did nothing but fight for almost two weeks. Then one night Kyo snuck into my room. He told me that he still wanted to be friends. So we tried. We fought every time we came into contact with each other in front of people. But we would meet on our own to talk. It wasn't until we were thirteen that anything became any kind of a problem. That was when we kissed. I don't know exactly how it happened. We were sitting on my bed talking and then he had my face in his hands and his lips on mine. That was all it was that first night.

But things progessed, as they have a tendancy to do. It wasn't long before we had to lock the doors in order to keep people from finding us during our heated make-out sessions. We frequently ended up shirtless with Kyo practically on top of me and my leg slung around his waist. I had hickies on my chest all the time. It was the happiest time I could remember.

I should have known it couldn't last.

I don't know if we were actually found out. I could never get Kyo to tell me for sure. But he started getting nervous. I asked him why he was never quite as into out making out as he had been at first, but he always denied that. Then one day he left. There was a note on my pillow that said, "Forget us. Hate me. It really is better this way."

I cried for days. He spent four whole months away from me. Those four months were the worst I had ever spent. When he came back he didn't try to talk to me, only fight. But still, I was happier with him around. Even if all we did was fight. Inside I was happy he had come back and was living with us.

I still hoped, however, that one day we could be together again.

A/N: More to come soon. REVIEW!! 


	2. C1: Accident

Disclaimer: Don't own.

Chapter 1

Accident

The day had been long and I was ready to be home. Student council had sapped what was left of my self-control and I had no desire to see Kyo. Not because I would be unable to keep from fighting him, but because I would be unable to keep from kissing him. I needed him. As I trudged down the sidewalk I thought about how much I needed him. I wanted to go home and be able to curl up in his lap and have his arms wrap around me. It was unhealthy, I knew, but it was difficult not to think about on days like this when he had been so instrumental in making me feel better before. I knew that it was a dream that I would probably never attain again. Kyo had made that perfectly clear not long after Miss Honda had seen his other form.

-----flashback-----

We hadn't really fought in nearly two weeks. Shigure pointed that out every chance he got. As much as he complained about the noise and us breaking his house, he seemed to miss it a lot. I wondered if Kyo thought we it might be a bit more natural for us to become a bit friendlier given that I had kept him from running away. We were alone in the house, so I went to ask him. I stepped into his room though the open door. He was sitting at his desk. I put a hand on his shoulder and got an answer to my question.

"What the hell are you doing in here?"

"You know there's no one here, don't you?"

"That doesn't change anything!"

I nodded. I hadn't really expected much, but I had hoped.

He must have read that on my face. "Yuki, just forget about everything we did, ok? It meant nothing. We were young and exploring and there was nothing special about it."

I nodded. "I know." And I left the room.

-----flashback-----

But the truth was I didn't know. Did he really feel that way? He had said that he loved me before, but was that simply because neither of us knew what we were feeling? Had I been holding on to feelings that were never reciprocated? I didn't think so. I knew the look in Kyo's eyes when he said that. It was the look he got when he was lying. He hated lying and really wasn't very good at it if you took the time to look closely.

That was nearly a month ago and he hadn't said a word to me that was civil sense. I didn't know how much longer I could stand it. It wasn't even that I wanted him to hold me again. I just wanted us to have truce where we didn't have to fight all the time.

A car horn tore me from my thoughts. I looked up just in time to see the car coming at me. The driver didn't have time to stop as I stepped out in front of the car. The front bumper hit my hip. I flew through the air and hit the pavement. Then everything went black.

A/N: Ok, short chappie. I know. But the next one will be up soon. Promise. 


	3. C2: Wake Up

Disclaimer: Still don't own.

Chapter 2

Wake Up

My vision was fuzzy. I knew there was very little light and I knew that there were people around me. "I think he's waking up," one of them said. The voice was vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place it. My vision slowly cleared and I saw eight people crowded around my bed. One of them was obviously a doctor and he stood on my right. Another seemed to also be a doctor but not the one in charge. "Yuki," the one in charge said. "How are you feeling?"

I looked around. He must have been talking to me. "Is 'Yuki' my name?"

The faces of the other seven held shock and concern. THe doctor just smiled and nodded. "Yes, Yuki is your name. How are you feeling?"

"My head hurts."

"That is to be expected after an incident like yours. Tell me, do you recognize any of the people in this room?"

I looked at each face carefully. First to the doctor who wasn't in charge, standing on the left side of the bed. One of his eyes was covered by his hair. Nothing. The man next to him was thin and pale with dark circles under his eyes. Nothing. Next to him was a man with long white hair. The hand on his shoulder belonged to a man in a robe. Nothing for either one. They stood at the foot of my bed. To the right, but still near the foot of my bed was a girl who looked extremely worried and I felt bad for being the cause of her worry. And next to her was a boy with black and white hair.

Tears of anger and frustration welled up in my eyes. I was supposed to know these people and yet I could not bring up a single image of them in my past. I couldn't even force an emotional response to their faces out of me. What was I supposed to do when I didn't remember any of them?

My eyes swept over the room again. It was then that they fell on a dark corner of the room, the farthest away from me, and I saw the boy with bright orange hair. "KYO!" I pointed at him. "I know Kyo!"

Everyone turned to stare at him. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest looking just as shocked as everyone else. The doctor spoke first. "Is that your name?"

He nodded.

The doctor gestured for him to come closer.

He glanced around the room. "Hatori?"

The other doctor nodded. So his name was Hatori. That was nice to know.

Kyo moved slowly towards me. He came over to the side of my bed and looked at me.

The doctor said, "Why don't you talk to him?"

"About what?"

"I don't know. Whatever you would normally talk about."

He looked around the room. "We don't talk." He looked down at me. "We don't even like each other."

That didn't seem to make sense. But then, nothing really made sense to me. I grabbed the boy's arm and hugged it close to me. Everyone was still staring at me. I felt better. I couldn't remember anything except this boy next to me and holding onto him made me sure that he wouldn't just disappear on me.

I looked up at him. He was staring down at me with something akin to fear on his face. I didn't really mind, though. I just needed him to stay with me until I remembered something. Then I would be ok and I wouldn't need him so much. At least, I hoped that was the case, considering that we obviously didn't know each other very well.

Hatori looked at the doctor. "Can we all speak outside?"

The doctor nodded. Everyone moved towards the door. Hatori gestured to Kyo. He started to move but I clutched him tighter and started breathing hard. Hatori looked sympathetic. "I promise, Yuki, Kyo will be back in just a few minutes. He won't be away from you for more than a few minutes at a time until you get your memories back. I just need to borrow him for a bit. Is that ok?"

I looked up at Kyo. He gave me a very small smile and something in his eyes promised me that he would be back. I nodded and let him go. They left the room and I waited for Kyo to come back.

It did only take a few minutes. Kyo came back in and sat in the chair next to me. I grabbed his arm again. "Clingy?"

I nodded. "I guess that happens when you only remember one person."

We were both silent for a while.

"Tell me the names of the others? Hatori and then who else?"

"Um, next to Hatori was Akito. Next to him was Ayame, then Shigure, then Tohru, then Haru. I don't know the doctor's name."

"Hatori looked like a doctor."

"He's the family physician."

"How do they all relate to me?"

"Hatori, besides being the family doctor, is also a cousin, along with Shigure, Haru, and Akito. Akito is also the head of the family. You and I live with Shigure and Tohru, who is a friend and she cooks and cleans for us."

I nodded and thought over the faces trying to remember the names and titles attatched to them. "Wait, you didn't tell me who Ayame is."

I looked over at him and he was looking anywhere but at me. "Well, he's your brother."

That made me feel horrible. I remembered a cousin I apparently didn't like at all over my own brother. There was a possibility that I didn't like him much either, but he was still my brother. I should have remembered him first. I felt frusterated again and my head was starting to hurt even more.

I heard a sigh next to me. "Go back to sleep, Yuki. You need your rest."

I nodded and closed my eyes.

A/N: There is chapter two! I'm hoping to squeeze out longer chapters as I go along, but so far they have just felt like natural chapter breaks. Also, the goal is to update about once a week. If I can update more often I will, but don't count on it. Anyway, review! 


	4. C3: Home

Disclaimer: Do not own.

Chapter 3 "Home"

Two days later the doctor let me go . . . "home". That's what they told me it was. I didn't recognize the house. The only reason he let me go home was because Hatori was a doctor and had been my physician for my entire life. Kyo had walked me into the house and up to my bedroom. I didn't recognize anything. None of the things that were supposedly my possesions had any hold for me. I looked at Kyo. "You're sure this is all mine?"

He tried very hard not to smile, but he didn't succeed. I could tell that he was amused and trying not to laugh at me. At the same time he was also worried that I didn't remember things. I looked around the room again. Then I looked back at him. "Do I have to stay in here, by myself?"

His face was abruptly serious. I hadn't allowed him to leave me for more than a few minutes since I had woken up and when he was in the room I was attatched to his arm. He wanted me to become more independant. "You need to try to. But my room is right across the hall so if you get scared you can come get me."

I nodded. That made sense. If I depended on Kyo too much now I would never not depend on him. Which meant that I might never get my memories back. I wanted my memories back. I think. Then again, there had to have been a reason that I didn't want them in the first place.

Kyo put a hand on my shoulder. "You stay here for a few minutes and I'll be right back, ok?"

I nodded and he left. I instantly felt cold and nervous. I went to the bed and sat down then curl myself up with my knees under my chin. I watched the door until he came back. When he did he stopped and stared at me. His face looked pained. "Yuki, are you ok?"

I nodded. But I was shaking. It scared me to not be around him.

He came and sat next to me. "No you aren't." He rubbed my back and I relaxed next to him. He sighed. "Maybe you should stay with me tonight."

I shook my head. "I know I need to spend time by myself. I can't be babied." I tried to put on a determined face but judging from the look on Kyo's face I didn't succeed.

He took my face in both of his hands and looked directly into my eyes. "The moment you get scared you come to my room, ok?"

I nodded, slightly dazed. There was a spark when he touched me. I had noticed it before, but he had never touched my skin. His face suddenly seemed so close. kyo seemed to realize this too and he dropped my face and pulled back. I didn't want him to go. But I was too afraid to try to pull him back. I knew that the kindness he was showing me was strained. not because he didn't want to show me kindness but for some other reason I couldn't place. I didn't want to push my luck.

We sat for a few minutes in a strained silence and I studied the room again. The closet was open and full of what looked like school uniforms and more of what Shigure had brought for me to where home. The room looked unlived in. Everything was in its place and perfectly straight and clean. "I'm very boring, aren't I?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Everything is so clean. If I did anything just for fun or if I had friends wouldn't something be even slightly out of place?"

He shook his head. "Probably not. You're like that. You like everything in its place. You always have."

"It seems like I'm not a person. Are you sure that was really what I wanted and not just what I did because people expected it?"

He looked shocked.

"What?"

He stood and went to my door to close it. "Yuki, everyone does expect you to be perfect. You have always chosen to be perfect so I have assumed that you wanted to be." He turned around to face me. "But if you don't want to be perfect then don't be."

I frowned.

"Think about it this way. Without your memories you can literally be whoever you want to be. You can sort of start over on your life. Just don't let girls hug you."

I nodded. That had been explained to me already. "But I won't understand anything if I don't remember things."

"That might not be a bad thing."

I stared at him. He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts and they were depressing. "What did the doctor say about a therapist? I wasn't really paying attention."

"He wants you to go see one. Hatori agrees. They think that if someone can get you talking in a 'safe' environment that you'll get your memories back faster." He shrugged. "It might help. I don't know anything about head injuries and such so I don't know if it will help."

I nodded. The rest of the afternoon Kyo did things around the house while I followed him. He patiently answered every question I had and didn't say anything when I stared over his shoulder at everything he did. We ate dinner, which was delicious and then went upstairs to go to bed. This was the part of the day I didn't want to come. I knew that I needed to go into my bedroom and climb into my bed and go to sleep on my own. But I didn't want to try. I didn't want to leave Kyo's side.

Kyo walked me to my room and left me at the door. I went in, changed into my sleep clothes and climbed into bed. I looked at the clock as I pulled the blankets up to my chin. It was 10 pm. I was afraid every time I closed my eyes. My room got darker and darker as the night deepened. I glanced at my clock again. Only 10:45. But I couldn't wait any longer. My entire body was shaking as I climbed out of bed and practically ran to Kyo's room. I knocked on the door and waited only a moment.

Kyo opened the door and I jumped into his arms. I clutched the back of his shirt and buried my head in the crook of his neck. He put his arms around me and guided me into his room and to his bed. I cuddled up next to him in the bed. He wrapped me in his arms and I was asleep in moments.

A/N: I've already started writing this story in Kyo's point of view. Any thoughts on a title? Review! 


	5. C4: Panic

A/N: Ok, so the whole update every week thing didn't happen. Things have been crazy in my life lately and I just haven't been able to devote the time to this fic that I needed to. I wasn't happy with the chapter for a while and I just couldn't get it to work. Anyway, hopefully the next chapter won't take so long, but we'll see. ENJOY!!!!!

Disclaimer: Still don't own.

Chapter 4

Panic

I woke up warm. I felt safe. I remembered feeling like this before, but I couldn't place a time on the memory. I couldn't make out a circumstance or a place. I didn't remember who had made me feel that way. Just that I felt that way. I didn't want to move. I snuggled closer to the warm body next to me. Kyo stirred when I did that. Then he shook me gently. "Are you awake?"

I shook my head.

He chuckled and shook me again. "Time to get up. In fact I'm late, but i knew you needed rest and I didn't want to wake you."

"What do you mean, you're late. It can't be that late."

"Late for me. I get up early."

"I thought cats sleep during the day and stay up at night."

"I can't really function through life that way, can I? I've trained myself to go against my nature." He looked at me seriously. "How are you feeling?"

I shrugged. "I feel fine, but I still don't remember anything."

Kyo nodded. "We need to get up. It will be time for school soon and though you still have an excuse to miss, I don't." He started to get up. I waited for a few moments after he left the room.

I didn't feel so cold anymore. I didn't know if it was because I had gotten enough of it over the night or if it was because I was reassured that he would be there, that he would come back whenever he left my presence. But the fact remained that I could be by myself, at least for short amounts of time. I jumped out of the bed and ran to my bedroom to get dressed when I realized that I didn't think I could go the whole day without being around him. And maybe some of my memories could come back if I were around people I was supposed to know.

Shigure was surprised that I wanted to go to school, but said that he would call and explain what was going on. Kyo was told to take me to the principle's office so that we could get permission to leave early if it all became too much for me to handle.

Tohru, Kyo and I walked to school. None of the sites were familiar. When we got to school I seemed to naturally know what to do when we got in. But I really had no idea where I was going. I followed Kyo to the room and he gestured to a seat for me to sit in. He wasn't very close to me, but he was in the same row so I could glance at him if I needed reasurance. I could handle this.

At least until the teacher called on me for the answer to a question. Apparently no one had told him that I couldn't remember anything. I panicked. I had no idea what the answer was or even how to figure it out. By the time I realized I didn't know the answer I couldn't even remember the question. I started hyperventilating. Everyone was staring at me. There was something wet on my face and it took me several seconds to realize that I was crying.

Suddenly Kyo was at my side. He wrapped his arms around my torso and half-lead half-carried me out of the room. I leaned heavily on him. I still couldnt' breathe. I heard him whispering, "It's ok now, Yuki. He didn't mean to put you on the spot. Either no one told him or he thought it would help. You don't have the freak out."

I heard him and I nodded, but I still couldn't get my lungs to work right. We went to the nurse's office. She was stunned to see what was going on. "He just needs a few minutes to calm down."

She just nodded as Kyo lead me into one of the rooms and sat me on the bed with crinkle paper. He told me to breathe again and tried to get me to mimick his breathing. In though the nose, out through the mouth, deep and slow. He had an inhaler in his hand, mine I realized, just in case I needed it. I did manage to calm down a little.

"Do you want to go home?"

I nodded.

Kyo nodded back. "I'll go get permission to take you home. I'll be right back."

I nodded and he left the room. I started to feel panicked again when he wasn't there. I tried to keep the panic down. Kyo would come back. I couldn't figure out why it made me so upset when he left. I kept telling myself that it was only because he was the only person i could remember, but the explanation didn't seem to satisfy.

When he came back he silently grabbed my arm and gently lead me through the empty halls and out onto the street. We went home. Kyo called out for Shigure when we got in, but he didn't answer. Kyo said that meant he was hiding from his editor again. He took me up to my room and sat me down on the bed. I still wasn't completely calm and he said that maybe some rest would help.

I tried to sleep, but Kyo left the room and before I knew what was happening I was unable to breathe again. Kyo found me just as I sat up. He knelt in front of me with his hands on my knees and stared up into my face. "Is this because I left the room, Yuki?"

I closed my eyes and nodded. I didn't like seeming this weak.

I felt his hand on my neck. "You don't have to worry about me coming back." He paused. "I always come back," he whispered.

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to hear that part. It was as if he was confessing something that he never intended for anyone to know. I opened my eyes and looked into his deep red ones. Then I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his. Every other time he had touched my bare skin, it was like an electric shot went through me. This kiss was so much more than that. It made my entire body hot, like I was on fire. The majority of the heat was wherever he was touching me and then in my groin. I only got to enjoy it for a few seconds before Kyo pushed me away, though.

He pushed me back and jumped up. He stood a good five feet away from me, which was as far as he could in my bedroom. His eyes were closed and the forefinger and thumb of his right hand pinched the bridge of his nose. He was breathing hard like me. "We can't, Yuki." He spoke through his teeth, but I felt every word cut through me.

I wasn't sure why it hurt so much. "Why not."

His eyes opened and he stared at me. He seemed angry and frusterated and exasperated, as if he were saying it for the millionth time. But I could see the simpathy in there, too. He had probably expalained it a million times, but now I didn't remember all those times so he would have to go through it all over again. And beneath that, buried as deep as he could possibly get it, I saw the pain and the longing he felt. "Because it wouldn't work, Yuki. Please, just trust me. We don't need to be hurt any more than we already have. Just don't push it, ok?"

The dispair showed through then. He didn't try to hide it. All I could do was nod. Then he left the room. I felt the familiar cold wash over me, but I was far too numb from our confrontation to feel the panic that I knew I would feel eventually. But still, for the first time since I woke up, I wasn't sure if he would come back.

A/N: You know the drill! 


	6. C5: Tears

disclaimer: still don't own.

chapter 5 tears

two days after the kiss, kyo still hadn't spoken to me. he still allowed me to sleep in his bed and stay close to him, but he didn't say anything to me other than answering direct questions. i decided that i needed to apologize. i followed him into his room after school and hovered just inside the closed door while he put his things away. when he was done he turned to look at me. "i'm sorry," i said.

he just stared at me. "for what?"

i frowned because he seemed genuinely confused. "for kissing you," i said slowly.

he looked at his feet. "you don't have to apologize for that. in fact i should apologize. i shouldn't have been so rude about it."

"i don't want to hurt you, but why can't we?"

he shook his head and walked towards me. i backed up against the door and he put his hands on either side of my head. when he looked up at me his eyes burned. "there are a lot of reasons, yuki, not the least of which is that no one in this family would be happy about it."

"but we were together once." i nodded, sure about that.

he cocked his head to the side. "what do you remember?"

"no details. just feelings. kissing you the other day felt familiar. i'm comfortable around you more so than anyone else."

"yes, we were together once." he swallowed and his eyes hardened. "but things change, yuki. people change. feelings change. we changed."

"you don't love me anymore." i felt tears spring to my eyes.

he shook his head. "we don't love each other anymore."

"then why do i feel this way?"

"the human mind works in very mysterious ways. the best i can guess is that you are remembering the strongest feelings you have ever had. but we haven't been together for a while now, yuki."

"but the other day you said that we'd both been hurt too much."

he closed his eyes. "we didn't have the greatest of relationships, yuki. it wasn't exactly our fault, but we didn't. even if we did love each other, i wouldn't want to go back to that. i'll always care for you, but there is no way we can be together, yuki."

he had kept his eyes closed the entire time. he looked completely serious, but for some reason i couldn't pin point, i didn't believe him. tears leaked out of my eyes more because i was hurt that he was lying to me than what he was actually saying. my hands clenched into fists as i tried to hold the tears in.

"yuki," he whispered.

"why are you lying to me?"

"what?"

i looked into his eyes and glared at him, though the effect wasn't what i wanted what with the tears streaming down my face. "you are lying to me. why?"

"i'm not..."

"yes you are!" i cut him off. "i still love you, no matter what you say. and i think you still love me, too. i want to know why you are lying to me." i stamped my foot. i understood that it was a completely childish thing to do, but i didn't feel like being mature.

he pushed off the door and walked over to his desk. he pulled out his homework and sat down to work. "you can believe whatever you want, but i'm not changing what i've told you."

i shook my head and turned around to leave the room. i slammed his door and my own. i stood in the middle of my room for all of two seconds before i decided that i couldn't be in the house right then. so i headed outside. as i went out shigure asked where i was going and i think i said something about needing a walk. but i can't be positve. i walked and walked for i'm not sure how long. finally i reached a little clearing. it was empty of people and creatures. i walked to the middle of it and sat down. the sun was low in the sky, but it was still afternoon. i couldn't see the orb over the trees. the grass was soft and i ran my fingers through it as i finally let myself cry as much as i wanted.

i couldn't understand why kyo had said those things. why would he claim he didn't love me? he might as well have said that we had never been together in the first place. that wouldn't have hurt any less. and it probably would have been easier to take. the thing was, i knew that he couldn't possibly say that. he was so against lying, so genuinely truthful, that he would never do that. i frowned at myself. he couldn't have been lying to me, but he must have been twisting the truth a bit. kyo would never flat out lie unless he absolutely had to. why would he have to lie to me?

my head hurt. i was trying to remember something. i knew the reason for what he was saying. i couldn't figure what it was, but i knew the reason. kyo was trying to protect me from something. i knew the answer to this! losing your memory is so frusterating!

i flopped back onto the grass and stared at the sky. i saw a couple of birds flying around. i wanted my life to be that simple. i wanted to be able to fly around in the sky with no worries other than where i was going to land when i got tired. i wanted to not have to worry about why kyo was lying to me and what i was going to do if my memories never came back. obviously i couldn't count on kyo to help me by being the only person i knew forever. i decided that the best thing to do would be to try to get to know the people who were supposedly my family and friends again.

a rustle in the grass cut my thoughts off and i turned to look behind me, preparing myself for some wild creature ready to eat me. my heart rate increased and my breathing nearly stopped as i turned. standing just inside the tree line was a man. he had been at the hospital. i think they had called him akito. strangely, my fear didn't lessen, it increased. i feared him and i wasn't sure why. "are you crying over that stupid cat?" he hissed.

i couldn't answer. i couldn't even move.

"that cat is a filthy, rotten liar and you are to good for him.

'that is not true!' i thought. but the words wouldn't come out. i just opened my mouth and made a few squeaking noises.

the man knelt a couple of feet away from me. "he used you, my yuki."

his?

"he wanted nothing from you but sex and once he got it he tossed you aside."

that's not true.

"i would never do that to you." he was whispering now. he reached out a hand and stroked my face.

i tensed. i was waiting for him to turn sour and hit me.

his face changed from soft to angry. "how could you let that thing touch you!?" his arm went back and i closed my eyes to prepare for the blow.

"akito!"

i opened my eyes and we both looked towards the way i had come. shigure was standing there with kyo. "kyo, take yuki home."

kyo nodded once and then walked towards me. he grabbed my elbow and pulled me up and out of the clearing. when we had gotten out of sight of the clearing i heard yelling but i couldn't make out the words. i looked at kyo.

he took it as a question and said, "shigure isn't happy that akito decided to visit. you don't need the kind of stress he brings and hatori told him to stay away. most of the time he listens, but not this time."

"how did he know about us?"

kyo stared straight ahead and didn't change pace, but his eyes got hard and sad. "akito knows everything everyone in this family is doing, eventually. we all just hope we can hide it long enough to make ourselves happy, even through the punishment."

"is that what happened? he found out and punished you?"

kyo shook his head. "you still want to think the best of me. how do you know that what akito said back there wasn't completely true?"

"we never had sex." i was surprised by my own confidence. it was frusterating to know something about yourself and not have any idea how you know it, but i knew that i had never had sex before. i also knew that i wanted to with kyo. i looked up at him and his eyes were like firey steel.

"let it go, yuki. don't try to remember that part. if you never get your memories back about that time you will be a lot better off."

"why?" i was whining and i knew it. kyo didn't like whining and i knew, the moment the word came out, i had just lost all chances of getting an answer anytime soon, but i couldn't help it. i felt so lost and i wanted something that would help me understand everything that was going on. i felt like if i could just crack this then i would be able to get to everything else.

one look at kyo's face told me i wouldn't be getting any help from him. so then who would tell me? if it had been a secret, like i assumed, then who would actually know other than kyo and possibly akito, who was clearly out of the question.

i walked along beside him until we got to the house. he started to go upstairs, trying to leave me behind, but i followed him. i followed him into his room and closed the door behind me. he sighed and turned to face me. my jaw was tight and i was glaring at him. "what do you want, yuki?"

i took two steps to him and grabbed his face and kissed him. i could feel him struggling, but not hard enough to break my grip. he finally gave up and kissed me back, resting his hands on my hips. i wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed myself closer to him. he pushed me backwards. somehow he managed to open the door without my noticing and he pushed me away from him and out the door. then he closed it on me. he spoke through the door. "i'll unlock my door tonight so that you can come in if you get scared."

i don't know how long i stood there staring at the door. and i'm not sure when i started crying.

a/n: kyo is so mean! but i promise he really is trying to protect yuki. it will all come out eventually! 


	7. C6: Therapy

Disclaimer: Still don't own.

Chapter 6

Therapy

Things were not good. Days were spent with Kyo barely speaking to me and providing no comfort whatsoever. Though that may have been partly because I was afraid to ask for it. At night I stayed in my room as long as I could, but I never lasted past midnight. Then I would sprint across the hall into Kyo's room and climb into bed next to him. I don't know if he was still awake, but he never acknowledged me, and he was always up and gone by the time I woke. Even after I had cuddled close to him all night I felt empty, hollow. Not the way I had felt when he was truly willing to be there for me.

This morning we'd had a moment, though. I was in my barely awake state while on my way to the bathroom. Therefore, it is no surprise that I didn't register any sounds coming from the bathroom until I was at the door. Shigure was gone to some meeting (or to avoid the meeting, I'm not sure) and Tohru had gone shopping, so it was just us. I opened the door and then it registered that the shower was running. I was about to back out of the room when I heard Kyo groan. It caught my attention. He did it again.

He started groaning louder and more frequently. Then I heard words mixed in with the groans. "Oh, love, yes." Then he groaned again. There was some sort of squeltching sound that I couldn't place. More moans. Then he groaned out "Oh, Yuki." Then he grunted.

I froze. I suddenly knew what the squelching noise was. An image of Kyo, naked, filled my head. He had his hand wrapped around both of out lengths and was stroking them together. He said the same thing and made the same grunting noise before he spilled over us both.

I leaned against the wall breathing hard. Kyo was masturbating in the shower. A picture of me in his head. My head spun as I realized I had been right when I thought he was lying to me. And all the blood in my body suddenly pooled between my legs. I couldn't move. Even as I heard him turning the shower off, I couldn't move to get out of the bathroom. I just stood there and stared at the shower curtain. It was pulled back and Kyo stepped out of the shower. He had grabbed a towel and dried his face first. When he looked up and saw me he stopped and stared at me.

"How long have you been standing there?"

I couldn't speak. I just stood there with my mouth open.

"Long enough." He wrapped the towel around his waist and walked over to me. He stood close, resting his hand on the wall behind my head. He put his head next to mine and whispered in my ear. "I never said I didn't want you, just that I can't give you what you want." He left the bathroom quickly after that.

I don't know how I managed to move, but I did finally get through my own shower and back to my room to dress. When I came out of my room Kyo was standing there. "We need to go."

"Where?"

"Therapy."

I shook my head. "I don't want to go talk to some stranger about things I can't remember."

He shrugged. "Too bad, Hatori says you have to go. You've put it off too many times already."

He reached out and took my elbow and pulled me along. "You are going whether you like it or not. I have been charged with getting you there and back safely."

"I don't want to talk."

"You don't have to, I guess. But you have to go sit in the office and stare at the person."

I was quiet after that. I was stubborn enough to not talk for a session. "How long do I have to sit there?"

"One hour."

I nodded. "I can do that."

He laughed at me.

We walked in silence the rest of the way to the man's office.

I sat there in the room, on the leather couch. It was so horribly cliche, the room they were in. Dark bookshelves filled with books. Leather furniture. The guy looked like a college professor, his glasses at the end of his nose, his grey hair neat and tidy. We had been staring at each other for nearly twenty minutes. Ever since he had asked me the first hard question. "What do you think about everything you have come to know about yourself since the accident?"

Even if I hadn't had my resolve to not talk to this man I wouldn't have been able to answer that question. I didn't know what I thought about it. I hadn't even learned much about it. I realized that I hadn't asked many questions about my life before the accident. I knew where I lived and who I lived with and the basic relationships I had with each of the people who had been there when I woke up. But I hadn't delved into my past besides my relationship with Kyo. How could I have an opinion about something I didn't know anything about?

Finally the therapist sighed. "You don't want to talk to me, do you?"

I shook my head.

He put his notepad down and stared at his patient. "Yuki, I can't help if you don't talk. I don't want to push you too far too fast, but you have to talk before coming here will be worth it."

I looked at the floor as he spoke. "I don't need this to be worth it."

"Yes you do."

I looked up.

"There is something going on in your head that you can't talk to anyone about and it is making you want to scream. I don't know that I can help with it, but we won't know until you say something. And this is a safe place. I am legally not allowed to tell anyone what is said in this office without your consent. You are safe here."

I shook my head. "You won't understand. No one will understand."

"I'm not required to understand. Just to help you understand."

I waited a moment before looking directly into his eyes to speak. "I was in a relationship, but we had to keep it secret. I know that we broke up a while back, but I don't know why. Now, the feelings are still there but he wants nothing to do with me."

"Who is this person?"

"The only one I remember," I whispered.

"Why do you remember him above other family members and friends?"

"Kyo thinks it is because my feelings for him are the strongest I've ever felt."

"And what do you think?"

"That he's right. But I don't think those feelings went away. Ever."

"So then, why do you think the two of you broke up?"

"Something happened. It scared him away from me. I know he still feels something for me, but he refuses to tell me what happened. He just keeps saying it wouldn't work."

"Why does he say that?"

"He says the family wouldn't like it."

"Why wouldn't your family want you to be happy?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure that it is the whole family. I think it might only be the head of the family. He doesn't like Kyo."

"Why not?"

I frowned, thinking. "I think it is me? But I don't know what I mean by that."

He allowed me to think a few more minutes and then said that time was up. I walked out of the room and up to Kyo, who was reading a book he had brought with him while he waited. "I'm ready to go."

He didn't even look up as he spoke. "No you aren't."

"My hour is up."

He pointed to the desk. "Make your next appointment. No more than one week between appointments is what Hatori said."

I huffed but walked back to the next and made my next appointment. Kyo insisted on having two copies of the appointment card, one of which he held on to. He said it was so that I couldn't lie about the appointment time. We started back to the house. "Kyo, I have a few questions."

He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "What kind of questions?"

"About my past." I looked over at him and noticed the look on his face. "Just about me, not us."

He nodded. "Ok."

"What is my brother like?"

He stopped walking and looked at me. "Um, he is...odd."

"Are we close?"

"No. You guys have never been close. He's so much older than you, you know. You guys just never had a lot in common. He's been half way trying lately, but you don't think the same way, so it's hard."

"Oh. And, what about Akito?"

I could tell he didn't want to answer me. "Akito doesn't like people to have secrets from him. He doesn't like not having control over everyone. So when something happens that is outside his control or right under his nose, he gets very angry."

"Is that what happened with us?"

"No."

But Kyo didn't look at me when he said that. I knew that honesty meant a lot to him, so I didn't think he was lying, but he wasn't being completely truthful. "So, what about my parents?"

"I don't know exactly what happened to them. They were around, and then they weren't anymore. No has ever said if they just left or if they died. No one ever talks about them."

I stared at the ground as we walked. That was odd.

"I'm sure Shigure or Aya know, but people never really talked to me about anything, so I don't."

"I think I want to see my brother."

Kyo stared at me for a moment, then shrugged. "I'll have Shigure invite him over for dinner."

I nodded, happy with that. Maybe, with me not having any previous notions of my brother, we could get along better.

A/N: Wow, it has been a really long time since I updated last. *cower* Don't hurt me! I'm sorry. I've been really caught up in personal writing projects and life lately. I'll try to update more consistently. 


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